Sunday, January 15, 2012

Destiny


We are all unique. Debatable but plausible, if you take into account all the million things that we say define human beings. These include the physical features and general body composition, the mind and its many facets etc. No point listing out factors, because I'll never be able to list them all out, and even if I do, it is the innumerable possibilities created by all the permutations and combinations of these features that we're counting, so...

Back to the point. So yes, at a certain level of granularity we are all unique. But at a more macro level the similarities outweigh the differences. We all have similar dimensions, which are not very diverse if you consider the extent of variation that occurs in the animal kingdom. We all respond in a similar way to instruction, wouldn't be possible to have a universal schooling system if that were not the case. We all have hopes and aspirations. We all fall ill, bleed when cut and eventually die.

So we aren't that different either. Just depends how you look at it.

What intrigues me is, how did we go and allow ourselves the illusion that we're all special, that we're all so significant that the universe was somehow built for and revolves around us, that our lives mean something to anyone but us, and that we have a purpose in life?

I understand the intrinsic human need to feel valued and important, but is it not a slight stretch to presume that there is a purpose to each one of our lives? That we need to watch what we do because in the end there is someone or something watching and tracking our every move, just to hand us a score card at the end? And that our score cards will somehow be tallied, and reward or punishment handed to us as appropriate. Really?

That brings us to the big D. Destiny. Let us take a minute to recall how destiny works.
Destiny pl. des·ti·nies 1. The inevitable or necessary fate to which a particular person or thing is destined.2. A predetermined course of events considered as something beyond human power or control 3. The power or agency thought to predetermine events.

I'll quote a personal example, to elaborate. I was destined to be in the job I'm in currently (or it is somewhere in the path that leads me to a more significant milestone in my destiny) and hence life moved in a way to guide me there. I made an ill informed choice regarding my engineering college, though I had better options. Following that I went floating through engineering, not applying myself or trying to make the best of it. Wound up in the subsequent job as a result, which, along with other factors pushed me hard towards an MBA. Took the exams once floating through them doing sufficiently well as always, but being ill informed took its toll once again and I didn't apply to institutes that I could have, and wound up with squat. So I took the exam once again. Scored lesser than the first time, and applied everywhere I could. MDI and NITIE included. Now I could have got into either institute a year earlier, but this year only the latter was within reach. Another major thing that happened in the meanwhile was that I partially missed the recession, which would go on to mean that I wouldn't have absolute squat once I got out of B School. Once again I floated through the 2 years, not bothering with week end projects and certifications and paper publishing like the rest of the lot, which left me with exactly half a chance in the placement. And here we are, at my current job. Bottom line, all major events, decisions and actions in my life over the past 10 years or so have lead to me being where I am today. My attributing it to destiny basically amounts to reverse engineering and logically fitting past events to lead up to an observed outcome.

My shoes have a destiny for example. I bought them to run the Mumbai marathon 2 years ago. Trained in those shoes but didn't manage to register. This year I began training for the Jaipur marathon. I promised myself a new pair of running shoes once I completed a certain number of training runs. Never did the training runs so now the old shoes get to see a race after all. Which they wouldn't have, had I trained harder.

In other words we would like to believe every atom in existence has a purpose, a destiny, but it is far more likely that destiny is a concept we have created to keep us motivated when we know we didn't really bother to put in our best, and to keep self doubt from consuming us when our best is not good enough (which statistically is almost every time), and is no more real than Santa.

This is a demonstration of how life works, in my opinion: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GANHXlMpVMc&feature=related . Life unravels directed by our reactions to random actions, and the reactions of the universe to our actions. But as we know, the entropy of the universe is only increasing. So yes we are the mercy of an ever more chaotic universe, by and large.But there is good news. As a very wise man once said, “Oh, and you know the thing about chaos? It's fair!”

There is of course a scenario in which destiny becomes a reality, which is if the end outcome is predicted in advance, foretold, if I may. But you show me an astrologer with greater than one percent accuracy and I'll show you the photos from my last visit to hell.

Samaan

Bleeding from one wound too many,
I lay dying in a sewer.
Struck down by the
Right hand of god .
Michaelangelo himself,
Had come for me.
With his troops from heaven,
And a scimitar of fire.

The desolate landscape,
A reflection of my thoughts.
I saw no help coming forth.
Despair clawed and tore,
Its way deep into my heart,
And anger filled my being,
Unarmed and unprotected,
I had roamed ,
What had i been drinking ??

The traitor who'd given me away
Would pay ,not just with life.
But i must first focus,
On the task at hand,
How to rein in mine .
It was in my darkest hour,
That i finally sensed,
a train of possibilities,
that didnt end in my demise.

Samaan walked not far from here.
To his home after the evening prayer.
He would help me, the man of god.
I smiled wide as his tread neared.
My cry for help froze his veins,
And his heart stopped,
As the last echos faded.
Unsure of himself , he looked,
Over the edge of the sewer.

A flash of familiarity,
As our eyes met,but it couldn't be
As he'd never seen me in flesh.
Though his books told of nothing,
And no one but me.
The features in contrast,
Beautiful yet evil.
He didn't know why,
His God bade him to flee.
But in his heart he knew,
That His words are for the weak

Help me he did,
He had to , the noble man of God.
Carried me home on his back,
Like the beast of burden he was.
Cleaned my wounds with wine,
And the linen from his robe.
Filled them with herbs,
Tended to me ,till i healed,
And was ready to go .

For i reminded him,
The streams of gold and silver, 
He commanded for his services,
Would dry up ,but for my life.
The finest fruit from their orchards,
And the respect in their hearts,
with my death would shrivel and die.

I reminded him of our relation,
Deep and precious as life.
But he faltered and panicked,
Before he lent me his hand.
Gathering courage,
He demanded a name.
The blood drained from his face
As i smiled and replied "Satan".



Friday, January 6, 2012

Sleep


"Sleep my child"
I seem to hear,
Leaden lids,
Pupils unfocussed,
Sight's a haze,
Sounds are dull,
And I can't feel
My fingers.

Its vice like grip,
When threatened,
By the alarm clock,
Or the ringing bell,
It shows you how,
What you're waking to do,
Is already on its way,
And the moment,
You're off your guard,
The reveries restart,
Consciousness whisked away.

Creeps up,
Catches you upfront,
Its sneaky nonetheless,
Comforting,
Weakening,
Pleasing,
Overpowering,
It wrestles you to the ground.

Suddenly I realize,
Its eaten away
Several minutes of my life
And I don't know now,
What she's talking about.
Fuck !
This predatory sin.

I spend all day,
Fighting it,
Keeping it at bay,
But come night,
All cravings satisfied,
I give in and sleep
With the enemy.